📺 ABOUT WALLY 📺

Meet Wally

Chief Meteorologist of STORMTRACKER 9
“Accuracy Not Guaranteed.”

Wally has been forecasting the weather incorrectly across North Florida since the late 1980s. Armed with a suspicious radar system, a 1987 Dollar General thermometer, and unlimited confidence, Wally delivers weather reports that are almost never accurate — but always entertaining.

Wally’s Qualifications

• Watched weather documentaries once
• Owns three windbreakers
• Can point aggressively at radar maps
• Survived multiple pollen seasons
• Says “rotation” at least 14 times per broadcast

Favorite Forecast Phrases

• “This storm is intensifying.”
• “Folks, this could get ugly.”
• “That’s not good.”
• “I’ve never seen anything like this.”
• “Take cover immediately… probably.”

Fun Facts About Wally

• Declared a thunderstorm during a completely sunny day
• Once predicted snow in Tallahassee in July
• Uses a grill lid as a satellite dish
• Believes every cloud formation is “concerning”
• Accidentally issued a hurricane warning for Alabama

Equipment Used By Wally

• FutureCast 9000
• Backyard Doppler Radar
• Dollar General Thermometer
• Windows 95 Weather Computer
• Emergency coffee maker
• Permanent marker storm tracker map

Wally’s Official Motto

“We report the weather wrong 99% of the time.”